Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A healthy baby is worth $10-20,000 on the internet, even if it's Chinese

California woman gives birth to octuplets in five minutes. That was the first headline I read on MSN. That's 8 babies folks. Can you say insane in the membrane. Insane, got no brain! Seriously. I don't think God intended women to have that many babies at a time. If he wanted that, you could conceive them without being on fertility drugs. Could you imagine how big her stomach got? It must have been the size of a car. 8 kids at once. Boggles the mind. I mean, I've been sitting here for like 5 minutes trying to wrap my mind around the concept. Here's a link to the article if you want to read it. I say it's insane. That is all.


Monday, January 26, 2009

kill me romantically, fill my soul with vomit, then ask me for a piece of gum

It's almost Valentine's day. Ugh. I hate the months of November through February. It's one holiday after another. Valentine's just reminds me of all my failed relationships and how emotionally retarded I am. So this year, I'm taking action. I'm doing something that will cheer me up immensely. I've invited my good friend Casey to go to a monster truck rally with me. The monster trucks will be like a metaphor representing my love life. Everything crashing into each other. Plus I love crashes and stuff like that. My favorite Xbox game is Burnout Revenge cuz I get to wreck all the other cars. That's the point of the game. How could anything beat that? I just need to remember not to be in Burnout mode while driving my real life car. That would not be pretty.

The other day I wrote on my Twitter that people around me were seeming more insane and I felt saner. I was wondering if they were getting worse or if I'm getting better. I still haven't decided. It really depends on the day.

Friday night I met my sister halfway and picked up the girls for her soon-to-be ex, Tom. I kept them that night. Taci fell asleep right away in the car. Niki lasted a little longer but she fell asleep too. When we finally reached my apartment Taci just wanted to go to bed. But Niki stayed up with me. We played Phase 10. I almost got my ass kicked by a 6 year old! :D She's so smart. She didn't even have to ask what the phases meant. And she'd only played the game once before. We both got to the last phase but I went out before her and she didn't finish it so I won. I'm glad cuz it'd be pretty embarrassing telling people that my 6 year old niece beat me at a game I've been playing for years! She stayed up til one with me. The next morning I wake up and she's in the kitchen reading Because of Winn Dixie. On her own. Without anyone telling her to. My mini me? Hell yes! While we were waiting for Tom to come she told me what had happened in the book so far. She's brilliant. Tom was late picking them up and his girlfriend called me and told me they were lost. They were way off where they should have been. And she tried to blame it on my directions. Seriously!! I've led quite a few people to my apartment and not one of them has called lost. But I guess I did tell Tom. He's not the brightest crayon in the box if you know what I mean. I'd say he's probably the black one. Seriously. The directions I gave were like this, "Get off I-15 on this street, turn left on this street, turn right on this street. At the first light turn left. Go like 3 blocks. You'll see a 7-11, a house, and then my apartment complex." I left off the street names cuz I don't want any creepy stalkers visiting in the night. Although, that might be super. I'd feel very special. Like special Ed. Anyway, Tom was supposed to give me gas money cuz it was HIS weekend with the girls and he didn't even do that. I was steaming mad all day. I'd asked if I could have them on Sunday for like 4 hours and he refused saying he'd only get like 24 hours with them. I was like, you'd get them Friday night, all day saturday, saturday night and sunday morning. He said that the nights don't count but I only got to have them for car time and a night. What a jackass. I'm glad my sister is divorcing him. Well, that's all for now. If I keep venting about things I'll make my ulcer angry. And an angry ulcer is not a pretty sight! :D

Monday, January 19, 2009

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...

Giving me sharp objects is not a good idea. For one, I used to be a cutter. I liked bleeding all over myself. Yes, I'm strange. A childhood like mine'll do that to a person. But, I'm healed. My other personality, Barbara Ann the southern belle, told me so. She argues with my satanistic one named Dr. Strangelove but Barbara Ann always wins. She's southern. Southern women are always right. And don't even get me started on the brittish detective personality, Rosalind Beechcroft. She's a snob. But if I could pick one of my personalities to have all the time, it'd be her. So back to the sharp objects. I was shaving my legs cuz it's a big no-no to wear skirts with hairy legs if you're looking for a husband. After I'm married, I wont care, but until then, I must degrade myself with shaving. I was in a hurry. Another scary thing. NEVER hurry while going up and down your legs cutting off the little tiny hairs. It's dangerous. In a past life, danger thrilled me, but this one, I'm just tryin to stay alive until I die at the ripe old age of 50. I have those details planned so don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Anyhoo. So I obviously cut myself while being girly.

Not once...

But twice!

At least I have cute Hello Kitty bandaids to cover up my failures as a woman! And I give myself credit for trying. Two thumbs up to Victoria! YAY!!! Now everybody clap......

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

the nieces

My sister called the other night to tell me that Niki finished a chapter book all on her own. I already knew this but it's still exciting news. I mean, that kid is freakin amazing! When she was staying with me, we sat on my bed with the tv on for Taci and read. She had her own book and I had mine. All of a sudden she started giggling. So I was like, "What's so funny?" And she explained the scene in the book. These books are level 3. So she's not just reading the words, she's understanding them. I guess when she told her mom that she finished the book she was on she said, "I finished it today and it's a 3rd grade level and I'm only in 1st!" Her teacher has to give her extra work cuz she finishes before all the other kids in her class. If my sister took the time to really work with her, she would be able to do so much. She already reads and writes above her grade level but my sister could teach her math and science and all that other stuff. Seriously, the kid is brilliant.

Now on to Taci. She's smart in her own way. Smart in the manipulative, get-her-own-way way. She's spoiled rotten and everyone lets her get away with it cuz she's cute and disabled. My sister called a while ago while they were eating McDonalds. Taci had fries and chocolate milk. She was dipping her fries in the milk and would take a bite. She'd make this really funny face like she couldn't figure out if she liked it or not. And then she'd do it again. My sister called to tell me this because whenever I get Wendy's I get fries and a chocolate frosty. I dip the fries into the frosty. So Taci was doing what Auntie always does. I think the kid likes me!

I miss them all the time. And certain things make me think about them and what they are doing at that exact moment. So much of their earlier years were spent with me and Grandma. We're bonded for life. But sometimes I wonder if they'll forget me or if they'll lose the excitement that's in their eyes when I visit. Will I become just another adult who pops in and out of their lives? They have so many already and I'm one of the only stable people in their lives. It kills me that I can't be with them like I used to. But I know that I have to set an example for them by accomplishing something in my life and I never would have done that in Cedar City. My sister likes to take people down to the places she's at. She is so smart but she wastes it. She went to school to be a medical assistant but she didn't do the one exam she needed to certify. So instead she works in a restaurant. There's no future in a job like that. I wish I could show her all the mistakes she's making. But with her, it's best to keep my mouth shut. Oh well, enough venting for today!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Victoria the clutz...

First of all, I'm sick again. Which really pisses me off. I'm finally over my freakin sinus infection only to start having stomach problems again. It was probably those anti-biotics. They really messed with my stomach when I was taking them. I've been having abdominal pain since last Sunday. I figured it would eventually go away or kill me. Not sure which one I was hopin for. Neither has happened yet. We'll see. So my boss, Patti, made me go to the doctor last night. She doesn't want me to die. You know, the whole training a new person thing! :D So she really just cares about me and doesn't want me to die cuz we're friends. But I can joke, right? So I get there, and they tell me they have to take some blood and I had to pee in a cup. Both tests suck. The lady came in to draw the blood. I was like "have fun with that. I have really small veins." And she told me they were really deep too. She poked me 3 times in the left arm. She got little spurts of blood so she did hit the vein. She thought maybe they close off because they think they're being attacked. Good body. Don't let anybody attack you! She finally went to the right arm. She poked me once using a butterfly needle. She only got like a third of the tube filled with my blood. She decided to try the tests with that amount of blood. So off I went to the bathroom to tinkle in the cup. I was wearing a gown at this point. Let me tell you, it's difficult to get that thing outta the way. It ended up over my shoulder. So the doctor comes in and tells me that everything looks good. What a waste of my money and time! This is why I don't go to the doctor. They charge me out my ass to tell me they don't know what's wrong. Take a freakin guess. My hell, those bazillion years of medical school sure taught you a lot. Maybe you should ask for you money back since you obviously didn't learn anything. He then tells me it's probably an ulcer. I could've told myself that for free!! At that point I've almost had it and said, "just give me something to take care of the symptoms."

So I go to Albertson's and get my perscription for the nausea medicine filled. I drive home. The drive was stress free. I get home and see that I have mail. So I go to walk down the steps and there's ice so I'm extra careful. Useless. I slip and fall anyway. I hit my back on the corner of the step and whack my elbow too. I land at the bottom of the steps in a puddle. So not only have I just hurt myself, my ass got soaked. I was kind of dazed for a minute. It's a shock to your body when it goes down. I went to bed pretty early last night cuz I was sore and I didn't feel good. It was so hard to wake up this morning. It felt like I had only been asleep 2 hours. So I'm real loopy today. It should make for an interesting experience! That's all for now. I'm gonna go eat something cuz I think I might be hungry. I guess we'll see!