The Library...

I'm doing a blog today to specifically tell the whole world that I love the Salt Lake City public library. They always have new releases as soon as they can get their hands on them. I hardly ever have to buy books anymore cuz they always have the ones I want to read. Or if it's checked out by someone else, I can request it. It takes hardly any time for my request to be filled. They transfer books from other locations too. So it's also convenient. The bums that are always hanging out front kind of creep me out, but it's a building filled with books! How can I ask for more?! Seriously, that's my own personal version of heaven!

New purse!

So I got a new purse friday night. It's so pretty! Here's a picture:

It's great cuz it's big enough to hold everything I could possibly need. My book and lotion and wallet and everything else. I'm just excited I can take my book everywhere with me. Here's a picture to show how big it is:

Now everyone who reads this knows how much of a freak I am. If you didn't already know or suspect. So here it is. I AM OBSESSED WITH HELLO KITTY!!! Scary isn't it?!

scuzzy slutter gut...

So I get to see one of my best friends this weekend. I'm so effing excited. That's where my subject comes from. We used to call each other that all the time. We were insane back in the day. We probably still are, we've just calmed it down so it isn't so much in the open. But when we get together, it's always insane. I've really got to get a picture of our "found art" project we did in high school on here. It freaked out even our craziest friends.

The store I'm at has one door that works and one that doesn't. There's a paper on the one that doesn't work that says "please use other door" or something like that. I've watched like 5 people walk into it today. Can they really not read? Seriously! It's pretty funny. That's all my ill brain can come up with today.

oh look at that, my butt just hung up on you...

There are just some customers I would love to walk up to the bullet proof glass and just casually say, "Sorry, we're having technical difficulties. Please try again." Or "Error" Or "the person you are trying to reach is unavailable, please hang up and try again." or make the crackly noise like you're losing the signal. That would be so funny. Yes, I get kicks and giggles out of the most random things. That's how I roll.

Grey's Anatomy was on last night. It was combined with Private Practice. I absolutely love those two shows. They were both really good too. One guy had "worms" aka parasitic cysts in his brain. It was insane and I was disturbed on so many levels but I couldn't stop watching. It's like if you ever come across a corpse, you just stand there starring and even though you have the urge to vomit, you can't look away. It's why people slow down to look at car wrecks. You aren't intentionally looking to see if somebody died, but you don't want to miss it if they did. Human nature is a weird and disturbing thing sometimes.

One day, I will walk around for 24 consecutive hours with Pringles sticking out my mouth quacking like a duck. That would be fantabulistic! And it would really freak out all the customers. I love when they think I'm psychotic. It shows them that they shouldn't mess with me or I'm liable to go ape shit on their asses. Speaking of asses, last night I watched the funniest South Park. They were making fun of when everybody was obsessing about the Catholic priests molesting children and Cartman said he could stick food up his ass and crap it out his mouth. It worked and everyone started copying him. So all the people would be in the middle of saying something and they'd crap out their mouths and keep talking. Too funny!

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...

Giving me sharp objects is not a good idea. For one, I used to be a cutter. I liked bleeding all over myself. Yes, I'm strange. A childhood like mine'll do that to a person. But, I'm healed. My other personality, Barbara Ann the southern belle, told me so. She argues with my satanistic one named Dr. Strangelove but Barbara Ann always wins. She's southern. Southern women are always right. And don't even get me started on the brittish detective personality, Rosalind Beechcroft. She's a snob. But if I could pick one of my personalities to have all the time, it'd be her. So back to the sharp objects. I was shaving my legs cuz it's a big no-no to wear skirts with hairy legs if you're looking for a husband. After I'm married, I wont care, but until then, I must degrade myself with shaving. I was in a hurry. Another scary thing. NEVER hurry while going up and down your legs cutting off the little tiny hairs. It's dangerous. In a past life, danger thrilled me, but this one, I'm just tryin to stay alive until I die at the ripe old age of 50. I have those details planned so don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Anyhoo. So I obviously cut myself while being girly.

Not once...

But twice!

At least I have cute Hello Kitty bandaids to cover up my failures as a woman! And I give myself credit for trying. Two thumbs up to Victoria! YAY!!! Now everybody clap......

Victoria the clutz...

First of all, I'm sick again. Which really pisses me off. I'm finally over my freakin sinus infection only to start having stomach problems again. It was probably those anti-biotics. They really messed with my stomach when I was taking them. I've been having abdominal pain since last Sunday. I figured it would eventually go away or kill me. Not sure which one I was hopin for. Neither has happened yet. We'll see. So my boss, Patti, made me go to the doctor last night. She doesn't want me to die. You know, the whole training a new person thing! :D So she really just cares about me and doesn't want me to die cuz we're friends. But I can joke, right? So I get there, and they tell me they have to take some blood and I had to pee in a cup. Both tests suck. The lady came in to draw the blood. I was like "have fun with that. I have really small veins." And she told me they were really deep too. She poked me 3 times in the left arm. She got little spurts of blood so she did hit the vein. She thought maybe they close off because they think they're being attacked. Good body. Don't let anybody attack you! She finally went to the right arm. She poked me once using a butterfly needle. She only got like a third of the tube filled with my blood. She decided to try the tests with that amount of blood. So off I went to the bathroom to tinkle in the cup. I was wearing a gown at this point. Let me tell you, it's difficult to get that thing outta the way. It ended up over my shoulder. So the doctor comes in and tells me that everything looks good. What a waste of my money and time! This is why I don't go to the doctor. They charge me out my ass to tell me they don't know what's wrong. Take a freakin guess. My hell, those bazillion years of medical school sure taught you a lot. Maybe you should ask for you money back since you obviously didn't learn anything. He then tells me it's probably an ulcer. I could've told myself that for free!! At that point I've almost had it and said, "just give me something to take care of the symptoms."

So I go to Albertson's and get my perscription for the nausea medicine filled. I drive home. The drive was stress free. I get home and see that I have mail. So I go to walk down the steps and there's ice so I'm extra careful. Useless. I slip and fall anyway. I hit my back on the corner of the step and whack my elbow too. I land at the bottom of the steps in a puddle. So not only have I just hurt myself, my ass got soaked. I was kind of dazed for a minute. It's a shock to your body when it goes down. I went to bed pretty early last night cuz I was sore and I didn't feel good. It was so hard to wake up this morning. It felt like I had only been asleep 2 hours. So I'm real loopy today. It should make for an interesting experience! That's all for now. I'm gonna go eat something cuz I think I might be hungry. I guess we'll see!

Withdrawals

I'm already missing the new episodes of my shows. It seems like with them gone, I have nothing to write about. My life is THAT lame. So I'm gonna do a questionaire thingie.

1. Were you named after anyone? Not that I know of.
2. When was the last time you cried? I almost cried on Dec 12th when I talked to Grandma and she was really depressed cuz it was her and grandpa's anniversary.
3. Do you like your handwriting? Most of the time. A lot of people compliment me on it so I guess it's good.
4. Do you have kids? Umm... No. Unless you count my two nieces who I love like they're my kids.
5. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Heck yeah, I'm funny. And I wouldn't want me to make fun of me so yeah. DUH!
6. Do you use sarcasm? No... Duh. Most of the time.
7. Do you still have your tonsils? Nope. The dr stole them like the pigs stole my car.
8. Would you bungee jump? Probably not. I'm afraid of heights. It would not be a pretty sight.
9. What is your favorite cereal? Froot Loops or Cinnamon Toast Crunch
10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. I never tie them in the first place. The laces are stuck inside the shoe cuz I'm a lazy person!
11. Do you think you are strong? Physically? no. Emotionally? You betcha!
12. What is your favorite ice cream? Ute Blitz
13. What is the first thing you notice about people? Their clothes or what they're driving. Yes, I'm that shallow. I admit it!
14. Red or Pink? Definitely red. It's the color of blood and I have this weird obsession with it.
15. What is your least favorite thing about you? My muffin top. It's gross!
16. Who do you miss the most? Alive or dead? Alive would be Grandma and the girls and dead would be Grandpa.
17. What color of pants and shoes are you wearing right now? Dark blue jeans and white Etnies with teal and black in the E.
18. What was the last thing you ate? A fun size Milky Way
19. What are you listening to right now? A country station on the radio cuz I got sick of hearing Britney Spears and David Archuletta and I can't get my rock stations to come in at work. Grr!
20. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Dark teal. It's just a really nice color.
21. Favorite smells? The smell of cheeseburgers cooking.
22. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My sister-in-law Becky.
23. Favorite sports to watch? probably basketball
24. Hair color? My roots are a brownish color but the rest is red.
25. Eye color? Blue/gray/green
26. Do you wear contacts? Yes. Without them I'd be blind as a bat.
27. Favorite food? At the moment, cheeseburgers.
28. Scary movies or happy endings? Depends on my mood.
29. Last movie you watched? It's called Black Book. It was oddly fascinating. I thought I'd hate it cuz of the subtitles but I couldn't look away.
30. What color of shirt are you wearing right now? Navy blue
31. Favorite season? spring cuz there's no snow and it's still not too hot and all the pretty flowers are bloomin and new animals are bein born.
32. Hugs or kisses? Depends on the other person! :D
33. Favorite dessert? Umm... So many options, so hard to choose. Anything with chocolate!
34. What book are you reading now? Cutting Loose by Susan Andersen. Very good so far!
35. What's on your mousepad? An M&M and a calender
36. What did you watch on tv last night? Reruns of House
37. Favorite sound? Music? I dunno...
38. What is the furthest you've been away from home? When I went to visit my little brother in Fort Meyers, Florida.
39. Do you have a special talent? I'm insane. Does that count?!
40. Where were you born? Cincinnati Ohio

My muse is gone...

I haven't written any stories or poems in oh, two years. Ever since I dealt with my childhood abuse and all that other crap that happened in my life, I haven't been able to write. And I miss it. Sometimes I wish I hadn't dealt with it. I loved writing. It was something I was good at. All those bad emotions, the anger, the hatred, the self-loathing, came out in some very beautiful, sometimes eye opening words. There would be days where I couldn't stop the flow of things that popped into my head. But now I have to force it out. Being emotionally healthy took away the inspiration I had for writing. Now, even sitting down to write a blog, one I want to be meaningful, is so hard that I don't post very many. I don't even write in my journal very much anymore. I think Niki writes more than I do and she's 6!! She has this cute little journal where she writes stories and songs. Sometimes she just writes a paragraph or two about her day or her family, or some little subject that she's chosen. Maybe she'll grow up to be an author? We'll see. During high school, writing was a huge part of who I was and now I'm left wondering, how do I get that back? I just don't feel whole without it. Maybe one day stuff will just start popping into my head again...

THE PIGS STOLE MY CAR!!!

My car, Dr. Strangelove, has a busted window motor. This prevented me from passing the safety inspection therefore, Dr. Strangelove was not registered. Hasn't been since May. So saturday I'm on my way to fix the window and all of a sudden there's red, blue, and white flashing lights in my rearview mirror. Scared me to death. "Shit!" I exclaimed. I so did not need that. But I cooperated with the copper. I was actually very nice. I pull any theatrics. I didn't cry or cuss him out. I WAS NICE!! He told me they would have to impound it. That was fine. I understand the laws and that they need to be followed. He then called his little copper friend and they started inventorying my car. The one writing the stuff on the ticket asks, "Have you ever heard of a garbage can?" I'm like what are you talking about? It's not that bad. But I refrained from saying it out loud and instead said, "I'm very busy and don't have a lot of time." him: "How about when you're filling up with gas?" I was too pissed to answer and walked off. Later my friend was like, "You're not supposed to enter the vehicle again after you start pumping the gas. Duh, we learned this in Driver's ed!" It would've been a very clever thing to say at the time. If I hadn't been so pissed, I might have thought of a good comeback. My friend and boss Patti came and got me. We were talking while waiting for the raping tow truck driver to finish hooking up the car and leave and she suggested I just leave the car in there and buy a new one cuz it's pretty much not worth it. The other cop who had been nice up to this point walked up and is like, "You'll want to get your car out as soon as possible or they'll keep charging you." Can you say EAVESDROPPER? You nosy no good cop! I used to like cops. Even wanted to be one. Not anymore. I'll find something else to do. They were jerks and they had no reason to be. My garbage is nobody's damn business but my own! SO THERE you nasty little pigs. Eat my garbage and die!

On a much happier note, I took my friends advice and went and bought a new car. It's so pretty. All shiny and red and it purrs! And I actually sold the Camry. For nothing. They paid the registration and got it out of impound and I signed the title over to them.

Today is elections so I'm sure I'll have a lot to say on the subject tomorrow. Let's just say I want McCain to win cuz I like my guns and I like not having the government decide my healthcare. Seriously!

I HATE MONDAYS!

It seems like mondays are when everything goes wrong. And I had to open the store today so I'm tired on top of that. I didn't get to bed til late cuz I lost my phone. But I didn't really. I'm just really retarded and hormonal. I talked to my g-ma at like 10. Then I went to take a shower. When I got done with my shower I watched tv for a little while and started looking for my phone about 10:30. I tore my room apart. I searched in every room in my apartment. Still no phone. By 11:30 I was panicking. I was frustrated and hormonal. DAMN PERIOD! So I started crying like a baby. I HATE crying. I never cry. It's just not in me. But last night I did. I have two laundry baskets of clothes cuz I'm not a domestic goddess and I absolutely hate folding laundry and hanging stuff up. For someone who's anal about some things (like my books and dvd's being in alphabetical order by the author and by book or by movie title) I'm sure not about domestic things. In fact I hate that stuff with such a passion I wait til the last possible moment to do it. Anyway... back to my emotional breakdown story. So by 12:30 when I still hadn't found my phone I decided I would dump my laundry baskets on the bed and go through each piece of clothing. I went through the first one with no luck. I grabbed the second and set it on my bed and started pulling stuff out. the third item I pulled out was a sweatshirt I had been wearing all day. I reached in the pocket and there was my phone! Turns out I put the phone in my pocket and took the sweatshirt off when I headed for the bathroom to take my shower. I had gone through the laundry baskets like 3 times before then. I even shook the sweatshirt but that baby was stuck in the pocket! To say the least, I was very relieved to find that. It's my connection with my family, my alarm clock, my way to check my e-mail from home, and most importantly, my safeguard when I'm opening the store in the morning.

Can I have your autograph?

So I watched the VP debate last night at the Republican headquarters. There were news crews there and I got interviewed. So I ended up on the 10 o'clock news. I was so excited I told lots of people. Today when the mail man came to get our mail he goes, "Can I get her autograph?" as he points to me. "She's famous!" I guess he must have seen it. I was so excited that I e-mailed the link to the story to all my friends and family. It was great! So I'm going to put the link on here too.

http://www.kutv.com/content/news/topnews/story.aspx?content_id=54E65AB0-26BF-401B-8AE8-1AE165807191&gsa=true

That's all for tonight.