Grandma dearest...

So Grey's Anatomy on thursday was soo good. It made me think and cry. And I don't cry for just anything. But there was a little girl who shot her dad like 17 times. A little extreme, right? Not so much. Turned out he was beating her mom and her and she was just trying to get him to stop. The mom was trying to get little Maddie to apologize to daddy almost the entire episode. Meredith, who is probably my favorite tv character ever, stuck up for the little girl and almost got suspended. But somebody had to stick up for the child, right? Even though the mom was a victim too, she should have put the little girl first. It shouldn't have gotten so bad that the little girl had to stick up for her mom. She was 6 effing years old. At the end of the episode, Meredith walked up to the mother and was like, "I know your situation is hard. But you need to change Maddie's story. It shouldn't have gotten so bad that Maddie had to protect you both. You need to leave him and not let this be in vain. Change her story for the better." Not those exact words, but you get the drift. The mom finally told the dad they were leaving for good and had Maddie say goodbye to daddy for the last time. But it got me to thinking. Not such a good thing, sometimes. But in this case it was. I thought about all the people in my life when I was the same age as Maddie. And about the people who put me first. And there was really only one person. Grandma. When everyone else I trusted was victimizing me, she took me away. She spoiled me rotten, held me when I cried, and showed me how to be a good person. And I finally realized the true definition of Mother. She's it. It isn't a bunch of words to me, it's a person. An incredible, unselfish, amazing woman. So I called her that night and told her thank you and that I loved her. I'm glad. I'd hate for something to happen to her and for her not to know that she is the most amazing person I know, and will ever know. And because Mother's Day is just around the corner, I wanted to share my amazing Mom with the rest of the world.

Book reviews...

I've created another blog strictly for book reviews. I figure since I read so much, I might as well do something with it. If I totally suck at it, then oh well. At least I get something out of it. If I totally hate a book, or a character in the book, I can rant and rave about it there. I'd do it here, but since I read books that some of my friends wouldn't read I decided to do a separate one. If you don't mind sex and cuss words in your books, then check out my reviews. If you do, you probably don't wanna look at my reviews. I read a lot of Romance and Romantic suspense. There is sex, violence, and mucho swearing in them. I know, I'm a bad cookie. But it's my form of escapism and I love it.

Anyway. On a different note. Lately I've been noticing a lot of pimped out mini vans. I know you want a nice vehicle to take your family around town but do you need to put on special rims and lights? I just don't understand it. If you need your vehicle pimped out, you probably shouldn't have kids. Just sayin. Pay more attention to your kids. In the time it took you to pick out the rims and lights and have them put on, you could've taken your kids to the park. And the money your spent on it? You probably could've taken the family on a vacation. It's beyond my comprehension. It seems like something my biological parents would do. They loved to spend money on unnecessary things. Like drugs, alcohol, clothes, and make-up. But us kids never had anything nice unless our grandparents bought it for us. And even then, it would get messed up because of a lack of parental supervision. Shouldn't kids and their needs be the number one priority in all families? I know, stupid things make me angry, but that's how I am. I guess that's all the opinionated BS I have for you today. I'd love to hear your opinions so leave me a comment.

Bullet proof...

I think it's time for me to get outta customer service. Probably not but it sure feels like it today. I started out my day with probably the most annoying customer we have at this store. And I was here at 9 so I was already grumpy. I'm so not a morning person and probably never will be. Anyway. It just got worse from there. There was a guy who took 5 hours to fill out a form. I'm exaggerating but it felt like it. And he tried to hand me his change through the little space in our bulletproof window. There's a reason we have the bulletproof glass and wall. And only a little space for you to drop your stuff in the tray. Because we don't want to touch your grubby hands. So let's learn to just drop it in the tray and let me pick it up.

On a much happier note, Grandma sold her house! I'm so happy I could pee my pants. But I wont. I do have some self control! She's coming to visit next week so she can look for a house in the Salt Lake area. And she's staying with me. Which means I should probably clean and unpack. Yes, I've lived here since last July. I'm just not one for settling in, I guess. I'll probably just shove boxes of stuff in my closets or against the wall. But it will be clean. I swear it. ;) I'll even vacuum and scrub the toilet. That's how much I love my Grandma!

Books, books, and more books!

My life is all books and tv. It's a sad existence but I like it this way. For now... Anyway. All my favorite authors have new books coming out. I'm way excited. And then a lot of my favorite authors do contests and give away copies of their books and other things that have to do with books. It's pretty awesome. I have two author's contest links at the bottom of my blog. But that's not really the point of this post.

The point was to talk about Law & Order: SVU. The episode last night got me thinking. About the war and about child soldiers. I guess I never realized that they're pretty much forced into fighting. The character on the show witnessed his mother being shot to death and that's how the militia group initiated him into the group. And then they threatened to kill all of his family so he would murder for them. Eventually they did end up murdering his entire family so he had no one to turn to. It must be so hard to not have any family. My family is small, but I know if I called them and needed help, they'd be there in a jiffy. That's what family is for.

And then I think about the American soldiers who are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan and how hard it must be for them to shoot kids. But it's shoot first or be shot. But the evil we're up against is huge. And you'd have to be practically satan to force children to fight in a war. It's abuse. And I hate all forms of abuse, but especially the abuse of children. It makes me sick. It makes me want to pick up a gun and go after all those predators out there. But then I'd be stooping down to their level.

I think that's why I read so much. The reality of our world is horrible. The economy is crap and there is so much hate and violence out there that if I sat and watched the news every day I'd go insane. So I read books that always have happy endings cuz I know there are kids and women out there who don't get one and it depresses me. If I didn't have some form of escapism I'd curl up in a ball under the covers on my bed and stay there forever. So my existence isn't that sad afterall...

My old man...

It's been exactly one year since Grandpa passed away. I'm sad, but I'm ok. I've pretty much been in denial the whole year. But it'll hit me at random moments that he's gone.

At the age of 6, social services finally decided that my parents weren't fit to be taking care of 5 kids. At first, my grandparents took the four youngest kids. My oldest brother went straight into foster care. He went to live with a family that went to the same church as us. So my grandparents were taking care of 4 kids ranging in ages 5-10. If they had been able, they would've adopted all four of us. But they were retiring so they could only handle 2. They adopted my sister and I. We were living in Cincinnati when we were taken away and my grandparents brought my sister and I to Utah.

My Grandpa did everything he could to make us happy. He got a part time job so we could participate in after school activities like dance, basketball, softball. Whatever we wanted. We always had nice clothes. Grandpa made sure of it. I was pretty much spoiled when it came to material things. He wasn't an emotional person. He never told me he loved me. There are only a few times I can remember him saying he was proud of me. But he showed his love by providing me with everything I could ever want.

It wasn't until Niki was born that he showed much emotion. After that, he was a big mush ball for her. She was "his girl". He would sit there for hours holding her, playing peek-a-boo. He would always pull pictures of her out and say "this is my great granddaughter, isn't she pretty?" He was so proud of that. He didn't relate to Taci as much because she was so independent she didn't like to stay in one place for long. After Taci's accident, Grandpa was there. He would sit in the rocking chair holding her just like the rest of us.

He wasn't always nice, but he was MY meanie. And I'm going to miss him. So Rest In Peace old geezer! :D

Fun times...

I got to go on a nice little trip this weekend. I love St. George. If they had a better school and better job opportunities I would so be living there.

I left Friday when I got off work at 7. I didn't get to Cedar til like 10:30. I woke Niki up and we played Littlest Pet Shop or some weird looking animal toy game. Then we read together for a little while. I woke up the next morning to Taci saying "Auntie's sleeping" while pointing to me. She's so freakin cute when she says obvious things! I only care that she can talk. I don't care what she says. Jess took them to a friend's at 10 when she had to go to work. And I left for St. George. Kitty did my hair. She dyed it brown and cut it into a lob which I think stands for long bob. I just know it's cute and I like it. So here's some pictures.

This one shows off the pretty color:

This one shows it from the front. There's lots of layers so I can flip it up and make it all prettiful:

This one shows the back view of all the pretty layers:

So after I finished getting my hair done I went to the mall for my sister cuz she had a gift certificate for Bath & Body Works. I got her some smelly stuff and I even got one for myself. I'm really liking it. Then I called my old boss, Rick. We had dinner with his girlfriend, Laurie, who's an absolute sweetie, and his daughter and her husband. We had Ernesto's. I had a #5 which is enchiladas. I had the cheese ones. They were delish! And they weren't too spicy so I didn't get heartburn or sick to my stomach. Always an accomplishment, that one. So I spent the night at Laurie's house and went and ate breakfast with Rick. At about 1 I headed back to Cedar so I could spend more time with the girls. We played Barbies and Littlest Pet Shop and even a game of Phase 10. I won again. I would really hate for Niki to beat me. Taci even played a couple of rounds of the game. Ok, she played with the cards and I actually played for her. But it was fun all the same. When I went to leave Niki kept hugging me like she didn't want me to go. I'm surprised I didn't cry. I usually cry when I leave them. But for the first 100 miles of the drive back home I was trying my best not to puke all over my car. That distracted me from the pain of leaving the girls. Migraines suck. My advice would be to never try to drive 250 miles while fighting a raging migraine.

Anyway. While looking for a title for this blog I came across this quote from South Park and it had me giggling like a school girl so I thought I'd put it in here.

[addressing the damned]
Hell Director: Hello, newcomers and welcome. Can everybody hear me? Hello? [taps microphone]
Hell Director: Can everybody... ok. Um, I am the Hell Director. Uh, it looks like we have 8,615 of you newbies today. And for those of you who were a little confused, uh, you are dead; and this is Hell. So abandon all hope and yadda-yadda-yadda. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process which will last about...
Protestant: Hey, wait a minute. I shouldn't be here, I was a totally strict and devout Protestant. I thought we went to heaven.
Hell Director: Yes, well, I'm afraid you are wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness.
Hell Director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man from Crowd: Well who was right? Who gets in to Heaven?
Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
The Damned: Awwww...

the nieces

My sister called the other night to tell me that Niki finished a chapter book all on her own. I already knew this but it's still exciting news. I mean, that kid is freakin amazing! When she was staying with me, we sat on my bed with the tv on for Taci and read. She had her own book and I had mine. All of a sudden she started giggling. So I was like, "What's so funny?" And she explained the scene in the book. These books are level 3. So she's not just reading the words, she's understanding them. I guess when she told her mom that she finished the book she was on she said, "I finished it today and it's a 3rd grade level and I'm only in 1st!" Her teacher has to give her extra work cuz she finishes before all the other kids in her class. If my sister took the time to really work with her, she would be able to do so much. She already reads and writes above her grade level but my sister could teach her math and science and all that other stuff. Seriously, the kid is brilliant.

Now on to Taci. She's smart in her own way. Smart in the manipulative, get-her-own-way way. She's spoiled rotten and everyone lets her get away with it cuz she's cute and disabled. My sister called a while ago while they were eating McDonalds. Taci had fries and chocolate milk. She was dipping her fries in the milk and would take a bite. She'd make this really funny face like she couldn't figure out if she liked it or not. And then she'd do it again. My sister called to tell me this because whenever I get Wendy's I get fries and a chocolate frosty. I dip the fries into the frosty. So Taci was doing what Auntie always does. I think the kid likes me!

I miss them all the time. And certain things make me think about them and what they are doing at that exact moment. So much of their earlier years were spent with me and Grandma. We're bonded for life. But sometimes I wonder if they'll forget me or if they'll lose the excitement that's in their eyes when I visit. Will I become just another adult who pops in and out of their lives? They have so many already and I'm one of the only stable people in their lives. It kills me that I can't be with them like I used to. But I know that I have to set an example for them by accomplishing something in my life and I never would have done that in Cedar City. My sister likes to take people down to the places she's at. She is so smart but she wastes it. She went to school to be a medical assistant but she didn't do the one exam she needed to certify. So instead she works in a restaurant. There's no future in a job like that. I wish I could show her all the mistakes she's making. But with her, it's best to keep my mouth shut. Oh well, enough venting for today!

It'll be a Merry Christmas one week late

I found out I'll be getting the girls tomorrow when I get off work. Niki will go with her Grandma Pixie on sunday night for the week and I get to keep Taci the rest of the week. Becky, my sister-in-law will watch Taci while I'm at work. I'm just so excited to have the girls. That'll be my Christmas present! It'll be so much fun!

I went to the doctor on Monday night when I got off work cuz I felt so bad. I had a sore throat and my stomach was all weird. My strep test came back negative but they gave me antibiotics anyway cuz I have a sinus infection. I'm finally feeling better. I ate real food today. I had ham and cheesy potatoes. It tasted so good after having almost a week of toast and soup only. And it didn't make me want to throw up! Amazing! Well, that's all for today. Maybe I'll have pictures of the girls to post after their stay.

Niki & Taci

I wrote a blog about texting my sister to send me a picture of the girls in their Halloween costumes and someone asked me to put it on here. Left is Taci as a cheerleader and right is Niki as Hannah Montana. They're both so cute! And they had lots of fun trick-or-treating.

I might be getting them next week sometime when they stay with their dad for the holidays. I can't wait! I talk to them on the phone all the time but it's just not the same as playing with them in person. Especially since Taci hardly likes to talk on the phone. Niki on the other hand talks a bunch. It's really funny. She's like a little old lady sometimes. :D

All weekend I was sick to my stomach. Today I'm not feeling much better. I think maybe it's a bleeding ulcer... Ok, so that's just my hypochondriac tendencies seeping through my normal facade. It's probably nothing. But what if it's something? This is why I'm not allowed to look at those medical diagnostic books. I always think I have what I read about. It's crazy! This is just a normal part of my insanity that I've learned to life with. One day, when hell freezes over or I die, I'll get over all my psychological problems!

Help!

I need a little advice. As I've said before, Grandpa died last March. So this holiday season is our family's first without him. Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary is Dec 12th. My sister and I are trying to decide what to do. Should we send her flowers on that day? She married him the day after she turned 16 and they'd been married for like 61 years. I know if it was me, I wouldn't want anything said or done, but everyone is different. If it was you, what would you want done? Nothing? Everything? Grandma acts like his death wasn't a big deal but I know it was. She's always down played her emotions for her kids and grandkids. I know this has to be hard on her. Please help!